Jokes for geeks

[brokenman]

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

A Photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The Photon replies “No I’m traveling light”

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He’s 0K now.

The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5ft to the left, the chemist takes a shot and misses 5ft to the right, the statistician yells “We got ‘em!”

I’d tell you a UDP joke, but you may not get it.
I could tell you a joke about TCP, but I’d have to keep repeating it until you got it.

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet.

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” He doesn’t react.

[Slaxmax]

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” He doesn’t react.

LoL

[Slaxmax]

[wread]

Irrtum! -sprach der Igel-, ...und stieg von der Bürste!

[bdheeman]

Wife makes a call, "our window is not opening, dear".
Husband replies, "Try some hot water, it will open soon".
Wife is a bit brainsick, "Hot water; are you sure"?
Husband again, "Yes, I'm sure".

After a while, husband calls back, "How is it now"?
Wife replies, "Even the laptop is not opening, now".

[bdheeman]

Error message: If you can't read this error message, your monitor may not working and, or is disconnected.

[wread]

A man 82 married a girl 22; after he Honeymoon a friend asked the groom, "and how was it??" the old said: "I am now like the ears of a cow"... How is that, the other replied. "Yes, near the horns and away from the tail"

[freestyler]

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world...
Those that know binary and those who don't

[brokenman]

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

[freestyler]

What's the difference between a computer and a woman?
With a computer you only have to punch the information in once

[brokenman]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much is it for a beer?"
The bartender says, "For you? no charge."

------

And the bartender says "we don't serve faster than light particles in here!"
A tachyon walks into a bar.

[freestyler]

How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One, who gives it to three physicists who conclude it as a problem that has already been solved.

[freestyler]

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench across from a house. They watch as two people go into the house, and then a little later, three people walk out.
The physicist says, “The initial measurement was incorrect.”
The biologist says, “They must have reproduced.”
And the mathematician says, “If exactly one person enters that house, it will be empty.”

[Vic]

There are three kinds of people: those that know math and those that don't.

[francois]

Oh!
Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh!